Decisions without end
Sitting alone in the dark with only the glow of the notebook screen to warm me I ponder.
The nearness of April reminds me of the investment I’ve made, for nearly six months, I have foregone sleep, at times choosing my writing over responsibility for others’ needs, while I spit out content to be read.
I see rewards beyond the statistics, claps, and comments looking back over my words. I have gained friends and confidence to know for better or worse I am a writer.
The platform has been a wonderful place to learn and practice, but watching my bars melt into the ground makes me wonder if I am more than a share to browse past now.
I believe my writing has improved, but interest in my words seems to have evaporated, an oddity in hindsight. Considering the improvements and efforts made, readers and platforms can be fickle.
As I type I should clarify this is not a complaint, but an observation, and a bit of a choice I suppose. I know I will not be writing the “How To” of making money on the platform or pigeonholing myself into a niche to gain points. So the choice is that my “value” may not match the platform’s “valued content”.
I have known from the start what I wanted to write and also been aware short form fares quite well here. While I do enjoy writing poetry at times, or wordsmith of inspiration, books have called my name since I can remember.
The library feels as special as the cathedral to me, the books, each one asking for my touch and affection. While many might think fame and notoriety are the reason I want to author, I will add death as a reason.
More so, a chance to be remembered once I have moved on to greater things. Defying death is my challenge while providing an escape to those who need it in reading.
While I believe a writer’s platform should embrace this need, Medium continues to morph in a direction, I have difficulty understanding at times.
I believe I know my calling now, but I am unclear as to how Medium plays a part if any, as always time will tell. Meanwhile, I must begin to focus on the magic of books, and the mystic story they house, with second thought towards feeding medium’s appetite. After all, how is my book to have a place on a shelf, if I do not take the time and effort to write it.
Without reward, recognition, or respect seems an empty victory if ever I would have one here. Then again, like the midwest weather I deal with, I may be prone to change my mind in five or fifty minutes.
I have not forgotten that six months is a small window of time, and effort looking at the long-term goal. I am just more cognizant of RoI as I feed the platform each day.
Like many other things in life, Medium must be evaluated and prioritized from time to time.