Against the advice of my surgeon and disapproval of my primary care physician I stepped up on the treadmill.
The batteries had long given up on my return so all of the display output was blank but it didn’t matter to me. All I could think about was the business of getting back to being me and my last marathon lonely walk across the finish line.
This tale begins yesterday in place of once upon a time, when I was tasked with the pedestrian objective of finding something important to me stored away more than a fortnight ago but just shy of a lifetime. How close I had come to letting core pieces of myself fade to black even after a near death recovery. I came to the realization living was an empty victory if it was through others.
I began my selection of choice and started the awkward stride against the sound of Evanescence and the deadpan of the mill bed. I had great dislike for treadmills and feeling trapped indoors, but greater determination for I had to make up for lost time. Six years of rusting surrounded by deaths, working and maintaining a household while looking after a parent in stage four and a bedridden spouse.
I could feel the nerve needle pain begin in my face, shoulders and lower back so I throttled back the treadmill and raised the volume of Amy Lee painting me an image. I settled into a speed walk or slow run depending on your level of kindness but to me the only element of importance was that I had begun. I tried relearning the art of running, breathing, drinking, swallowing, staying focussed all while ignoring pain and any other distraction.
Mentally I began thinking of where the article of interest may rest for I still haven't found it but in the search the discovery of the threads which were so much a part of me. I tried to remain calm fighting the growing feeling of heaving flem which was a familiar ritual for any new taxing physical adventure I took on. The running, coughing, and music had little in common timing wise making for a difficult stride for one without grace.
I managed to continued through to the end of Swimming home and Amy’s words stuck with me.
Nothing can hold me
I adore you still
If I hear them calling
And nothing can hold me
Looking down I noticed another attempt to hinder me as the tongue from my left New Balance shoe had become detached and made its way to the floor in front of the treadmill. My legs were a bit like marshmallow and the battery compartment of the mill required cleaning and battery refresh. “I made it” was my primary thought as I used the vacuum and a straight edge screwdriver to remove and clean the remains of the battery cubby.
I’ll need new shoes, batteries and maybe I should just order a replacement for the lost article were next as I made my way to the shower. Oh my back was definitely not happy about my run or weight so diet was added to the growing agenda. Again none of it was critical for yesterday I had made a choice and all other considerations would be evaluated and addressed proper. Front and center was Day 2 and all else must take its place in line for I was once again breathing.