Deep Inhale
Slowly release, and repeat
At times we seem to lose the little voice within, the compass, the soft warm flame which has managed to guide us to this point in flicker and dance.
One of the side effects of my recent illness was the intermittent loss of my speaking voice. At first a major pain in the … as well as frustration. Over the last few weeks it has much improved to the point of mostly working as well as being louder than a whisper as well as understood.
But here is the crazy thing, I just don’t feel like I have anything of value to say anymore. Out-loud or in my head. Quite frankly looking over my tepid Medium statistics you seem to be in total agreement with me.
Maybe that is not such a bad thing after all, as most of us embrace the holiday season. Like lovers who have worn each other thin gasping for air so they might catch their bearings.
This is my favorite time of year to watch and listen. To hear the prayers of children and adult alike. There is something very special in those quiet words spoken by those in need, unsure if they are heard, and even less sure anything will be done with them. I cherish them like the uniqueness of each snowflake. Each year they bring me face to face with creator, in defiance and question.
Some are heartbreaking beyond explanation, especially when a parent is pleading to exchange their life so their child might live. God and I have had many heated talks regarding these, many times I have been disrespectful to the point I am amazed I am allowed to continue.
Frankly I find the whole business of earth being under another s domain when to the best of my knowledge it is understood God rules over everything. Confusing and quite insulting, yes I’ve said it once more, so we begin!
I understand what is at stake, I understand the agreement, I understand the outcome is within our grasp. Yet I find the whole matter cruel and unusual punishment from one who claims to love us. How the heavens tolerate me is just another of the many wonders of our world.
This place you call home, once paradise, now testing ground for even the strongest of souls disgust me. While I understand my behavior is dangerously close to others who were sent here, I will continue to badger until either I am disowned, or the pure are given their kingdom.
You see in my eyes there is no excuse, God or not, for the suffering of the children. No matter how much time passes, or the words about the sins of the fathers, or the example of the death of an only son. None of it has enough merit.
For in the end it is the child who is taken, seated next to God or not, stolen from the arms of those who would gladly give their own life in its place.
This is the argument I say my God you are at fault in, strike me out of existence if you choose. But know my words can not be erased or removed from your throne, heart or memory.
Rules are made to be broken, no matter of Gods or Demons when child is at cost. So face me once more and explain the frailty of earth and the souls it house, and how you might justify this injustice. While I try with all my heart not to cross that line you have set.
Eternally I shall ask, and perhaps that is how I have come to be. Your conscience as well as warrior.
Explain once more why I should remain both to you.
