Aboard or Not
I wonder why instead of thinking about best laid plans I’m focused on being unhealthy.
I’m Jones-ing for a cigar and a scotch like the holy grail to solving life’s issues.
Is it the mind trying to run away, or just protect itself.
Is it the heart relinquishing control, or exhausted from emotion.
Looking through facilities for my father is prompting itching and nervousness.
Is it fear in choosing correctly, or the fear of my own mortality.
Leaving him each evening almost every inch of me yearns to be scratched raw.
Once home the mind battle begins, to be human, or swim within a fifth.
Each morning once awake I have forgotten most of the previous days events.
As if my mind refuses to record until I find the proper mindset.
Not my first rodeo yet this time getting back on the horse may be a problem.
I feel the field is slanted and thus I’m unable to choose correctly no matter my decision.
Maybe that is the problem in being my decision for it seems unholy wrong.
How God manages is beyond me.
Never able to come to grips with even a pet having to be laid to rest outside their own.
This seems at odds, especially each time my father tells me to do the best I can.
Time has become a wall of water to walk through while trying to breath.
I feel the eyes of all who have gone before me watching.
I feel the world spinning beneath my feet.