May 19th
Materialization?
I’ve been up for hours, trying to wrap my head around the thought that a positive outcome is in motion.
While I have always been a believer in the concept that “anything is possible.”. There is a certain surrealness to the opening act of what may very well be proof. Uncontrollable limited disbelief as you stare doe-eyed into things unfolding.
The universe pays little mind as it turns the cogs and wheels behind the veil of life, setting in motion your ask.
I focused over a lunar cycle on finding the answer to my yearning. Pray to ensure I am not blind and causing undue grief in my quest for happiness. That unbending feeling I have been bearing for over a year is not my imagination.
So here I sit, both frightened and excited.
Afraid of the possibility that I will hurt others in my almost seemingly obsession. Frightful that it was real, and now I must take another step forward.
It is exhilarating to think it might be true. To think I may be sound of mind. Also, thrilling to consider the full breadth of what it could bring.
So here I sit, wondering what I am witnessing.
LOL, we are odd creatures in that sometimes we can not find comfort in any arena.
For me, it is more of a once-bitten, twice-shy situation. I have been wrong about so many things I’m hesitant to dream. Knowing my selfishness may leave carnage in its wake.
The hours waiting for the sun to arrive have confirmed I have been selfish to the hilt. Selfish to the point of trying to strongwill the desired outcome to fruition. Until I finally gave up and asked the heavens for help.
Gave in and showed the highest form of care.
Wishing peace and happiness for someone special without regard to what happens next.
So here I sit with the sunlight painting my face, listening to the bird’s song. I don’t know which of my wishes the universe is working on, if any.
I only know what I feel, that the page is about to turn, and this feeling in my chest refuses to subside.
