Silent
Safety
Or so I thought.
Not so long ago, I struggled to say words of heart’s declaration.
I thought my stronghold was harmless and a means of protecting my fragile self.
Oblivious to my selfishness and the pain I was causing. Convinced it was a sign of strength, all the while unaware it was a broadcast of fear and insecurity.
You see, my porcelain heart had been shattered beyond repair, and I knew I could never survive that level of torture again.
Even as I write this, the scars remain tender. I have learned to forgive, but I am incapable of forgetting. Occasionally, when stress levels are high, the nightmare of being sent on my way returns.
Amazing how extreme your mind will react in protecting, hardening you to the point of being zombie-like, all the while having you believe you are fine.
In hindsight, I may have been among the living dead for just under ten years. I experienced the perfect storm of illness, death, turmoil, and thunderstorms of emotions that pushed me deeper within myself.
Now, being on the flipside of things, I begin to understand the hunger and pain that the one who loves you through the storm endures.
I constantly long to hear the magic words, worrying unnecessarily.
Easily mitigated by that individual sharing feelings, assuring all is well, showing the love.
Until that happens, stewing in the perpetual discomfort of fear and anxiety.
I tell you this so you do not follow in my footsteps.
Make sure to hug them, kiss them, and tell them as often as you can of your undying love.
I assure you, as much as you may believe they already know.
There is no replacement for the language of touch, or hearing “I love you.” Firsthand.
